Worst Fate Western

Fearing a jobsworth train conductor (is conductor a bus only term or cross transport applicable?), I thought I'd check the First Great Western web site to see what their policy on bicycles was.

This is what they had to say on their FAQ's page.......

Can I take my bicycle on your trains and can I reserve a space?


It is possible to take your cycle on our trains, however there are some restrictions to services arriving and departing from London Paddington. Please contact Customer Services on 08457 000125, option 4, with you travel plans and they will be happy to advice you of any restrictions. You can also book a space for your bicycle at any manned station. This must be done at least 2 hours before the train will leave its origin station.

I popped into Exmouth station this morning to pick up a time table for the Tarka Line. In passing I thought I'd double check with the cheery ticket lady regarding booking my bike on a train next week. 
 
She informed me, "We don't take bookings for bikes on this line, it's first come first serve with a maximum of two bikes per train". I of course referred her to FGW's FAQ's page, she referred me to her booking system screen with no tick box for booking a bicycle. 
 
Mmmm, Arse \ Elbow... Piss Up \ Brewery comes to mind! 
 
My plan now is to get the 6.15 am train to Barnstaple, but rather than get on at Lympstone, my nearest station, I will cycle to Exmouth and get there 30 minutes before departure in a vain hope that there will not be two cyclists waiting at the station to scupper my holiday plans.
 
It amazes me in our modern green thinking society that trying to get on a train with a bike could be such a nightmare. It seems the only guaranteed way to get your bike on a train track is to shut down the operating company remove the trains and turn it into a cycle path. It looks like Dr Beeching and Sustrans are far more cycle friendly than First Great Western.
 
And the government wonder why the roads are jammed and we don't regularly use public transport.... I rest my case!